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I Still Don’t Think We Understand Depression

That’s why we keep being surprised when seemingly happy people like tWitch kill themselves.

Simone Samuels
4 min readDec 15, 2022


I don’t think we really understand what depression is.

That’s why we keep being surprised when people kill themselves.

That’s why we are shocked when people who we perceive to be happy and successful — tWitch, Cheslie Kryst, Robbin Williams, Anthony Bourdain — die by suicide.

I have been depressed, and I can tell you it is not something where you can look at someone and easily identify. It’s actually quite complex and can be hidden completely, unbeknownst to even our intimate partners and those with whom we share our lives. Those of us who are happy and high-achieving often hide it the best.

Depression is not sadness (though it can be).

Often, depression is an inability to access or experience joy or peace.

Depression is exhaustion.

Depression is fatigue.

Depression is hopelessness.

Depression is helplessness.

Depression is despair.

Depression is a cluttered apartment.

Depression is a growing pile of plates in the sink.

Depression is a spotless home.

Depression is matted hair and tresses not combed or cared for in weeks.

Depression is listlessness.

Depression is emptiness.

Depression is smiling while dying inside.

Depression is a suppression of feeling or experiencing life.

Depression is seeing no way out.

Depression is a neglect of hygiene.

Depression is well-coiffed hair.

Depression is an inability to will yourself out of bed.

Depression is an extra long bath.

Depression is crying in the shower.

Depression is going to sleep and secretly hoping you don’t wake up and being irritated when you do.



Simone Samuels

I like big stories and I cannot lie. Authentic, transparent musings & connecting with others so we can all feel less alone.